Laughter really is the best medicine. Crying is healthy. Camping in 40-degree weather is an adventure. Ferris Wheels are dangerous. He really does complete me. It is okay to lean on friends. Deployed husband=more closet space. The Perfect Margarita really is perfect. I love having all the hot water to myself. The World’s Largest Cheese Cake is not the World’s Best Tasting Cheese Cake. I am meant to have blonde hair. Winter nights can be cold and lonely. Northern New York is okay. Moonshine is nasty. I can do this. The ‘bees is a great place to laugh. “Bitch please” warms my heart. Giant windmills are cool. Sigma Delta Gamma are sisters for life. A can of Pringles is perfectly acceptable for dinner. Netflix is awesome. His voice warms my heart. Black X’s crossing out days on the calendar is a great sight. It is okay to talk to my dog and cat. When you don’t drive your husband’s car for three months, it will not start. It can be therapeutic to hang out with friends from high school and just reminisce. Bangs usually are not a good idea. Sister-in-laws can be pretty cool and a good source of comfort. I am confident.
* Originally posted at The Sour Patch Kid Experiment (deleted 2007) on September 23, 2006. Recovered courtesy of waybackmachine.com in 2012.
I am writing this entry on my lunch hour because I have to. In the past, I have not used my blog as a ‘livejournal’ and I still do not have that intention. However, today I find myself needing to let go of some thoughts and simply writing them in my personal journal is not enough. One my favorite fellow ‘Army Wife’ blogs is My Longest Yearand her most recent post captured my current thoughts and put them into legible and constructive sentences.
I am allowing myself to become consumed by the deployment. As the situation grows more and more dire in Afghanistan, I am finding it harder and harder to remain upbeat and positive about Clay being over there. Communication has been terrible as of late and averaging an email once a week (I know, it could be a lot worse) and no phone calls. Clay’s voice is still on our answering machine message and when I hit low points at work, I call home just to remember what his voice sounds like. His t-shirts no longer smell like him and I find myself spraying his cologne on the pillow next to me just to get through the night. Just recently I started to experience nightmares that wake me up in a cold sweat and I have been having dreams so ‘real’ that I wake up expecting him to be sleeping beside me. My ever-present optimistic self allows me to believe for a nano-second that he is back and my dream was real, only to be met with pure disillusionment and frustration when looking at the empty pillow.
My performance at work is suffering due to my declining attitude and poor outlook. I am required to help clients with their ‘problems’ and complaints that seem trivial and meaningless to me. Everybody has their own issues to deal with and I just have to remind myself that what may seem trivial to me may mean the world to someone else.
I have faith that I will get through this. R&R is slowly approaching and is starting to become a goal within sight.
This to shall pass…..
* Originally posted at The Sour Patch Kid Experiment (deleted 2007) on September 14, 2006.