Pregnant Mom Guilt

Growing up, I never envisioned myself walking through the streets with a set number of children in tow. While I always assumed I would be a mother at some point, there was never a predetermined family size floating around inside my head. Now that I am pregnant with our second child, two sounds like a nice and manageable number for our family but who knows how we will feel three or four years from now? After all, as Sean Connery learned, never say never again. But I’ll tell you – this round of with-child has knocked me on my feet more times than I care to count, broken far too many capillaries on my face (thank goodness for full-coverage make-up), and is causing me to keep the schedule of an 88-year-old nursing home resident.

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Don’t get me wrong – I am absolutely thrilled to be pregnant. But because this pregnancy has unleashed sickness with the ferocity of an untrained bulldog, a new emotion has pushed its way in – guilt. And the guilt is so overwhelming at times that I am convinced that being pregnant again in the future will be detrimental to Weston and this baby. I realize how over-dramatic these hormones are making me but let’s just say that my mom-o-confiedence meter is pointing at an all time low. Ever since learning I was pregnant on the first of November, I can’t help but feel guilty about my lack of hands-on involvement with the little guy. While he is taking advantage of the extra cuddle opportunities, I know he is disappointed that I am unable to engage with him like I did pre-pregnancy.

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It’s not that I think me being pregnant is going to cause Weston to get a face tattoo anytime soon or engage in risk-taking behaviors beyond jumping from the couch to the ottoman. But the fact is that I am not currently the mother I wish to be due to factors beyond my control. I am now well-established in the second trimester and I think the clouds are beginning to part – for the little guy’s sake, I hope this to be true. Please let it be true.

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9 thoughts on “Pregnant Mom Guilt

  1. Anonymous January 18, 2013 / 8:13 am

    Lighten up on yourself!!! If you were working full-time you would not be engaging with him every moment – he will be just fine as will you when all is said and done!! Kids are very resiliant and you guys are doing a great job with Weston (as you will do with the new bundle of joy)!
    Aunt Sue

  2. Shelly January 18, 2013 / 8:15 am

    I felt the same exact way with my second child, and even worse with the third child because there were now two little boys not getting my attention. I always tried to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things those 9 months are a short season. Just know the feelings you are having are so normal. Now when I look back at my pregnancies, even the parts that sucked, they kind of have a rosy glow to them–kind of…but not enough to make me do it again 😉

  3. Jackie January 18, 2013 / 8:57 am

    I don’t know why but I wasn’t sick with either pregnancy. But I did cry a lot because of feeling guilty. Because I am psycho, I felt like Kinley would be upset because we were having another baby. Like somehow I was making her feel not good enough. I cried. I cried because I didn’t know if I could love G as much as I loved her. Told you, psycho. But she still loves me! And I love G just as much as K! Somehow everything seems worse when you are preggers & hormonal!

  4. Ko January 18, 2013 / 9:46 am

    Those clouds will part momma! And Weston won’t fully remember this season. When I was pregnant with number 2 my oldest was nearing 3 and Bill was deployed. I slacked so much in the mom department and sobbed my eyes out at night with mommy guilt. But now we are 3 years out from all of that and both kids are just fine, Will (the oldest) doesn’t remember a thing and is happier than ever. Kids are resilient thank goodness!

  5. yankeedrawl January 18, 2013 / 4:20 pm

    I’m still convinced I spent the entire first 6 months of my last two pregnancies either on the bathroom floor or in bed, while the poor other small children in my care spent 8 hours in front of PBS with a box of cereal to sustain them.

    In reality, it probably wasn’t that bad, mom guilt only amped it up, and everyone managed to survive without much ill-will towards the responsible parties.

    Here’s hoping for that glorious burst of energy soon!

  6. Emily January 18, 2013 / 9:13 pm

    I’m feeling that way again now that I’m so close to the end. Sitting on the floor hurts, I have no lap for Claire to sit in, and running around the park is impossible. Mom guilt is the worst. Hang in there…hope you get some energy soon so you have a few months of fun before the end!!

  7. Sara January 18, 2013 / 10:13 pm

    Aww this is something I think about a lot when I contemplate another baby. In the long run, I think Weston will be happy to have a sibling rather than bitter about play times he can’t even remember. Hang in there mama!

  8. Karen January 20, 2013 / 6:55 am

    Thanks everybody! It’s nice to know that I am not alone in my crazy thoughts. 🙂

  9. Jill January 20, 2013 / 4:03 pm

    It will all be okay. A sibling is a gift. I had to remind myself that about a billion times when I was pregnant with Connor and Kate was still learning to sit up on her own. haha. I am pretty much 100% sure that if you ask Weston 10 years from now whether he would have rather had spunky Karen from November until February of 12/13 or his brother or sister he would choose the sibling. Well, at least when they aren’t fighting over the remote or front seat ;).

    This too shall pass. The end justifies the means. Blah blah blah blah. You catch my drift.

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