So this happened yesterday afternoon…
I was standing outside, shooting the breeze with some neighborhood gals, when little miss Violet ripped the phone out of my hand and threw it on the ground. It landed on the cement driveway. Face down. Of course. When I picked it up, my friends’ faces contorted into comical cringes as “uuuuggghhhs” were exhaled around the informal circle. I responded by laughing because how else can you react to your baby demonstrating her softball prowess at such a young age? I can’t help but be proud of her athletic skill on display. Go Violet go!
I took the massacring of my iPhone as a possible sign that I should become a hands-free mom. I became excited at the thought of kicking’ it old school with a regular cell phone – phone calls and text only, please. I even logged into our ATT wireless count to see what non-smartphonen were available. Newsflash – none. Do we really live in a world where our only non-smartphone options involve a no-contract phone that requires purchasing minutes via a phone card? What’s next? Flatulence deodorizer pads? I also realized that having a cell phone without a good camera will make me feel more naked than pregnant Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair. And when I casually mentioned to Clay that I was considering getting rid of my iPhone, he laughed and said, “Yeah right. You wouldn’t survive without a smartphone.” And then he laughed some more.
I understand that my phone can easily be fixed at a kiosk at the mall but that would involve actually going to a kiosk at the mall. I am always weary about standing still in the middle of a mall because that makes me vulnerable. I constantly side-eye huge potted plants because kiosk salespeople will literally jump out from behind to present me a sample of hand cream crafted from the finest minerals of the Jordan River or offering to straighten my already straight hair.
Because I slice my finger and/or thumb every time I swipe to unlock the damn phone I must remedy the situation quickly. I also accidentally embedded a small piece of glass in my ear because I didn’t think to answer a call with the speaker function. Basically, I am a walking shards-o-glass popsicle. So that’s fun.